Believe
by Jess J
Summary: He had seen an angel. He had loved her, touched her, claimed her for his own. Had he been punished for claiming one of God’s for his own, was he being punished now?


Author's note: For the record, I am a Christian (though not a Catholic, and this is set in a Catholic church), but that doesn't necessarily mean my LucianMuse is. And for some reason, I was inspired to write this, which isn't completely anti-Christian or anti-church or anything, just, questioning. Or something. Ok, I'll stop trying to smooth this over and everything and let you read. Hope you enjoy, and please review.

Disclaimer: I don't own, please, don't sue me. But I'd be extremely happy if I was given the rights to Lucian, so I could protect him from the evil Greg Cox and his OOC writing.

* * *

****

BELIEVE

Lucian looked around him. He was surrounded by crosses, a savior hanging on each one. There were people sitting in various places on various pews, heads bowed, hands clutching beads, their eyes shut as they prayed in silence. Candles and lanterns lit up the sanctuary, depictions of a bloody crucifixion, all for the sins of Man.

But did their God listen to the pleas of all that were damned? Would Jesus Christ forgive Lucian of his sins? Had God Almighty taken Lucian's beloved family in after their death, welcomed them into Heaven's gates? And would He permit Lucian entrance despite the blood on his hands - blood of evils, blood of innocents?

He didn't know. He didn't even know if the humans' God was real. They had so many gods though. But this one, this was the one that led the humans to persecute the vampires, lycans, even their own kind. Or was that humans leaders, warping their God's decrees for their own peace of mind, to rid the world of those that were different.

"Am I not a Gentile, Lord?" Lucian whispered, voice soft enough not to echo or be heard by the few humans in the sanctuary. "Am I not one you would save despite my sins, my origins? Am I not another lost soul in need of saving?" he continued to question. He knew of the Bible, of theology, of religions and their beliefs and proclamations.

Lucian stared up at the largest crucifix in the church, his gray eyes questioning, defying. He had once been saved, he had once been in Heaven's favor, he had once possessed an angel's love. If God was real, then he knew Sonja had been an innocent, a perfect soul, beautiful, innocent, as sweet as the Lord's supposed mercy.

But was God even real? Was there a Heaven, a Hell, any sort of afterlife to look forward to? Or was there just cold death and then oblivion? Did it matter, as long as he one day found peace?

Did Sonja find peace? Was she granted mercy and everlasting life in that perfect, blissful place the humans sought to end up in after their bodies were turned into worm food? Was she at peace, was his child spared? Were they gone forever to the black void of oblivion, or granted absolution and given entry into Heaven's gates?

Why had Lucian come to this place of worship in the first place? He had never been religious, none of his kind were. Yet he longed for peace. The humans spoke of eternal peace. They spoke of angels, and he had seen an angel. He had loved her, touched her, claimed her for his own. Had he been punished for claiming one of God's for his own, was he being punished now?

What was he even doing there still, staring up at the representation of Christ, of his sacrifice for the humans, for all the Bible supposedly proclaimed? What did he think he'd find? Did he really think he would find peace, with so many vampires still running the decadent underworld so many humans were oblivious to? Did he really expect to find absolution, when he would take his vengeance?

"Vengeance is mine." That was what their God had stated. But Lucian was a bitter man, and he hardened his heart, staring up at that wooden idol hanging in front of him. Vengeance was his and his alone. He wouldn't let it be taken away from him.

God could damn him to Hell. If Sonja had been damned, Lucian did not want absolution. If she was in Heaven, perhaps God would be merciful enough to never let her know. But Lucian would take his own vengeance. His vengeance was all he had. And until he had it, nothing could grant him peace. Not even a God he didn't know for certain was real.

Jesus Christ had died to save mankind of their sins. God allowed it to be. Sonja had died because she was thought to be covered in sin and giving birth to an abomination. God allowed it to be. Lucian would die making Viktor pay for his sins. And God, if He was indeed real, would allow it to be. And then Lucian would believe. If God let him have his vengeance, he would believe.


End file.
